What does Disenfranchised Grief mean?

The term was first introduced in the 1980's and describes the type of grief/loss that isn’t acknowledged or recognised by society. It can also relate to the way a person is processing their grief. A common aspect is others viewing someone's grief as ‘less than’ or insignificant in some way. This can be highly detrimental to the grieving person, who can be left feeling misunderstood, invisible, shamed, invalidated and isolated whilst holding their hidden sorrow.

What are some examples of Disenfranchised Grief?

• Loss of a pet
• Loss of a child due to miscarriage or stillbirth
• Loss of a child due to termination
• Being childless, not through choice
• Loss of a job
• Bereavement by suicide
• Bereavement due to addiction e.g. drug overdose
• Anticipatory grief (the feeling of loss before a loved one dies)
• Grief following the end of an affair
• Loss of an abusive relationship
• Loss of relationship not publicly accepted e.g. LGBTQIA+
• Exclusion from a funeral, e.g. deemed too young or too old
• Loss of health due to a medical condition
• Loss of a friendship
• Divorce or separation
• Life phases e.g. transitioning into menopause
• Empty Nest Syndrome (when a child has left home)

What can help with the experience of Disenfranchised Grief?

• Acknowledge your loss. Try saying it out loud to yourself or writing your loss down.
• Research material and resources related to the loss you are experiencing; this can help with feelings of isolation and provide a sense of validation.
• Create a personal ritual; write a letter relating to your loss, or create a piece of art that is associated with it. You could also try keeping a small item with you that relates to your loss to aid a feeling of connection or having a time set aside each day for personal reflection.
• Use a journal to support the processing of feelings. You can start with a very simple prompt - 'Today, I am feeling...'
• Give yourself permission to feel even if it doesn't make sense to you. Strong feelings may be experienced not just in relation to your loss, but the way others are responding to you.
• Counselling as a space to safely name, explore and process a loss can be incredibly beneficial.

Please know, you have every right to grieve and for your loss to be normalised, seen, heard, acknowledged, respected and validated. After all, there is no such thing as a hierarchy of sorrow.  If this piece resonates with you, please reach out to see if I can be a place of support for you; you don’t have to carry your grief alone and in silence.

"There is no grief like the grief that does not speak" - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

October 2024