Shame is a powerful and often complex feeling that we hold inside us when we believe we have done something wrong, something that maybe doesn’t align with our values. This can manifest in the belief that we are unworthy, flawed, inadequate and unlovable.
My personal experience of shame was the gnawing knot in my stomach and the intense, heavy feeling of wanting to hide myself away, free from the accusatory glare and judgment of others. I know now that the only person who was sitting in harsh judgment of me was, in fact, me. Combined with this was the slow erosion of my self-esteem and constant self-doubt, which went on for months. In the end, I found my own path to peace and acceptance through counselling.

How do we overcome shame?

Identifying, naming and acknowledging when shame is showing up really is the pivotal starting point. The honest reality is it can be incredibly painful and uncomfortable to do but it is the important first step in finding peace and resolution. As I write, a phrase while I was in the midst of my counselling training, comes to mind – ‘Feeling is Healing’. I've always interpreted this as the practice of truly feeling our feelings (yes, even those really unpleasant and difficult ones), allowing them in, sitting and staying with them (without judging - just 'being') and by doing so, allowing ourselves movement; a release from being stuck and a beautiful way to demonstrate active self-compassion which is so important when we are carrying the weight of shame.

Will counselling help?

Counselling can most definitely help to resolve shame by exploring what is at the heart of the feeling and what its origins are. This may involve looking at early life events and relationships from the past, as this can help to provide a greater understanding of our shame; we can begin to view it through the context of our history and experiences. The non-judgemental space offered in counselling can also support the development and practice of self-compassion.

Do please connect with me if shame is showing up in your life and you would like to find a way forward to acceptance and a silencing of the inner critic.

"If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can't survive" - Brene Brown

November 2024